December 13, 2007

ISB results OUT; I'm not IN

As i try to move out of the place and life where i do not belong much, times are getting more challenging and more irritating. I tried to enjoy what i was doing, but was i doing something that meant anything to me?? Naaah. writing code and fixing bugs never meant more than passing some lab exam to me in college and doesn't mean even that now..though i am grateful that it gets me the $ to support myself. I have always wanted to do big things. I know that one needs to start from the scratch to learn those important lessons of life that aren't taught elsewhere, experience failures to come back stronger at the challenges and show courage even if life seems to be a downward spiral. But.. I am not heading anywhere,period. I need to do something, not that i have not taken and steps and am just cribbing. People who know me well know the efforts that I have put in over the last 3-4 months to lift my career off to a different trajectory. I guess i have some more time to spend. It can get agonizing and depressing sometimes, like now.

Yesterday, I recieved the first admission decision of this season from ISB. It wasn't the Congratulations message, as expected. I knew that since the day I had given the interview itself. I needed to have a stellar interview to make it through, but it turned out just mundane. I am pretty overwhelmed looking at the profiles of the people who made it though. I think some of them are soo successful already that an MBA wouldn't be much of a value addition for them. On the contrary, it might turn out to be 2 yrs of lost opportunity in their field of work. Anyways, I just hope that I get atleast one good news from the 5 applications that I have sent. 1 down and out, 4 more to go.

I am thinking: What am i supposed to do when a burning desire and talent dont seem to be taking me anywhere?